City Lights

Throwback:

City lights, dark cozy tunnels, sunsets and music… I reply when my therapist ask me can you name a few happy memories.

What about them, can you elaborate?

Eating Ice cream on the back seat of my car, when my dad used to take me for 8pm long drives. How I used to sing keeping my head out of the window and eventually sleep.

Car drives, when my semester exams were over, we will walk over to canteen at 4am in the morning . Probably the last time the 8 of us were hanging out together.

…….

When I got her a ring of the shape of an infinity, that looked like an 8 .. just a reminder, how our little infinites will be greater than anything , just like Augustus waters did.

I still remember how her smile brightened that night as we walked over the bridge overseeing the city , her hands cold .. mine warm …. as usual.

I have dreams now, I stand on the platform 8 , saw a train passing by .. I see her sitting on the window seat holding someone else’s hands…..she never held mine ….. I wake up in sweats… and she is gone, my navy blue shirt still smells like her sometimes…. I don’t wear it anymore.

I still remember driving back from Larry’s pub post 8pm, when a truck hit my car and the world went black

………

How are you dealing with it now?

Now? knowing that I will never be able to see the lights, or her ??

Now I write replies for messages that would never come and call them poems. Really long messages, I have always been that person, makes me happy

I don’t pass by tea shops and I don’t listen to or play music anymore… I don’t love anymore, too much pain you know…

I do like to watch the sunsets, alone, but I do that for me….

………

I think we are done for today sir, we will get someone to fetch your wheelchair and assist you to your parking.

She says, I have the fear of the number 8.

I think she maybe wrong.

……..