The selfish me…

I have been awfully selfish my entire life…and believe me when I say I have been rewarded for the same.

I have been selfish when it came to sitting with my best friend in the class, I remember putting my bag for him in my next seat…..20years later, maybe I still do.

I have been very selfish with my daily prayers. I still remember being asked to pray for my healthy well being and prosperity … But I , selfishly ignored all your commands and folded my hands for you and never asked for myself. 

I remember how much ego I have, and when I fought with God for trying to take you away from me, I remember by the side of that hospital bed you were silently praying for me, from that same almighty, in whose existence I never believed in.

Well maybe I did, you didn’t know if I spent my nights crying away in that hospital chapel. I had my egos , but how could I not, after all it’s you….

For I am the most selfish person in this world…..and you my most cherished possession …

I would be happy to take a fight with your God any other day happily……but today I fold my hands in prayer……only for you….because today I am the most selfish… I think he will understand…..for he too has a mother…. 

My mistakes

My life in itself is a collection of mistakes.
Some good, some bad, some life altering, some worth cherishing……
I chose pen over crayons, that is my mistake but do i regret it? No because if I did, I could never learn to paint with ball-pens…
I chose to love over and over, knowing about heartbreaks…this was my mistake for the illusion of someone’s touch is fascinating.
I love scorching summer sun and not cold romantic days, because I like the promises…..I like the certainty that the sun would come back tomorrow unlike the clouds who wouldn’t
I chose to be different, not on purpose but by choices….god! it makes situations awkward….this was my mistake….
I am sorry I couldn’t love rains, for it reminds me of someone crying up above, it reminds me of how even sometimes the god is weak and cries while we pretend to be strong…..I chose not to pretend, this was my mistake…
I chose wine over ‘whine’, maybe that gave everyone the impression of my emotional unavailability, this was my mistake……

Of all the mistakes I ever did, I fell in love with the thorns…your scars and not your beautiful petals which attracts half of the world….was this a blunder……
I chose silence over words, quiet over fights, trust over doubts…..I now consider myself a master at this game of committing mistakes…
Should I seek forgiveness for all these mistakes…is there any forgiveness….because for some mistakes even I couldn’t forgive myself…maybe this is another one of my mistakes…………